This might get a little long but that's mostly because I have no idea what's wrong with me, nor can I find a diagnose that perfectly fits all my symptoms. That said, i'm going to be as detailed as possible so thank you for reading.

The Problem:
I'm 20 years old and have been dealing with this problem ever since I was about 17? It's this feeling I have, that i'm disconnected, like i'm living in a fog, that my senses are dull, and sometimes I even feel emotionless. These feelings get better and worst depending on the week or day, but overall, I feel like it's getting worst as the years pass.

What I know about myself:
First thing that usually comes to my mind is a form of depression. Honestly I don't have any knowledge on depression, but I don't think I am. I mean I get down, and, at my worst, I do feel a bit depressed but, nothing severe. Throughout my life I guess iv'e had thoughts of "just leaving"/suicide but they come very rarely and are very brief, and I never see myself doing anything to hurt myself.

As far as emotionless, I was never the emotional type. It wasn't until recent (last couple years) I got in a long-term relationship that I've changed a bit and really felt love, and compassion for the first time. The hardest part is I get into these moods, and I want to be distant and left alone, they usually last no more than a day, and that's when this "foggy" feeling is the worst. During this i'm usually rude and disrespectful to the people i'm really comfortable with. It gets to a point where my girlfriend is crying right in front of me but I can't get myself to care, all I can do is give "fake" support and compassion . On the flip-side I do enjoy activities and feel happy on that outside...if that makes sense? People would say i'm a easy-going, never get mad, always laughing type of guy.

Another concern or reason could be stress. This is usually the other go to problem but, this is where I get confused. I honestly have no more stress than the average person. I think? The one thing I can think of that could cause excessive stress is being afraid of my future. I'm in a degree for a job i'm not particularly interested in, in fact I see it as my life ending once I get that job. Right now I work part time and set a lot of time aside for music, it's my passion but, I know once I graduate and get that job, I won't have nearly the amount of time for it. So there's this pressure of the clock.

Few last things about me(that might not matter):
-I feel like time moves too fast making my memories blur together. Also, if I try to remember something from when the feeling was at its worst, the memory itself also feels blurry, and disconnected.

-I had a good childhood, nothing that could be linked back.

-I'm the type of person that thinks logically. I'm usually always living for the future.

-I'm not super outgoing but not super shy or anything. I tend to stick to a few close friends oppose to many.

-Like a said the feeling is always there, just worst at times. It has never affected my schoolwork or working memory.

-I got a blood test recently and all my levels are normal.

Thanks again so much, I know its a long read.