Thanks Hooligan. That's exactly how part of me feels and the other part says "look at the last 2 appointments. Something is wrong. She's going to drop you as a patient. She's mad at you. This is all your fault and you should have not talked about the psychosis because she didn't seem too upset about that or too excited and so maybe she didn't believe it (I think she was really trying to keep me calm about it)." And it doesn't help that she recognized agitated depression when we were all saying I was manic and she was right. Which means that I was talking about the wrong problems. I kept saying to everyone I was so mixed I couldn't tell what I really felt and I was right, more than I had any idea. But it just feels off and I need to say something. I tried via email but got an "out of office for 2 days" response so that never was read.

I know she had to stop seeing 50% of her patients when she took this new job. I keep wondering if she regrets having kept me. when she decided I was still relatively well, not stable, never stable, but ok. We weren't changing meds all the time and I was doing ok, starting to plan to start some things that would get me out of my house some. And then everything went south.

I just don't know. I've had her a few times not make appointments until a day or two before. But that was in the old days when she didn't have blocked off times.

And Hooligan, how are YOU doing? You are so good about responding to posts but you've not said much about how you are feeling now.