And I'm not sure I want to. I've come to a kind of peace about it.

Everything always meets my expectations to be at best a disappointment, but that's better than feeling like my every interaction is a slap in the face. Even when I get exactly what I want, it's never enough, because the well has run dry, all it's doing is wetting the stones.

Before, when I had hope, it always hurt so much. Now, it doesn't phase me, because, of course, I'm being treated as I should be. I've accepted my life as it truly is, and as it will be.

Now, every second it's like I'm moving through sludge, and it would be a hell of a lot easier just to hop off the merry-go-round for good, but it's consistent. It's like my baseline has been reset, much lower than it was before, but it's super stable.

If it can't get better, if this is it, why put the energy into even trying?