Thanks Raspberry. Part of the problem is that we forgot to schedule a next appointment and because she sees me at a weird time she schedules me herself (I see her in time typically devoted to her other job). So all the secretary can really do is pass on messages. Her normal secretary is wonderful. If she is off and this fill-in person works it's much more difficult in that she doesn't know how to use the computer system that sends the dr something similar to a text message and makes it easy for the dr to respond. So I just have to hope that the message is sent and that she gets it.

I know on some level that this isn't because she is mad at me. I just have trouble reacting that way when someone is acting differently with me (Or I imagine it which can certain have happened in that episode). It's part of PTSD that I haven't gotten past yet. and with this episode my mind has been very mean to me, yelling at me and constantly running a "slideshow" of things I screwed up over many years. I'm still feeling the effects of that and it still happens sometimes. I've been calling myself stupid so much that trying to believe I'm worth taking up oxygen is going to take a while which makes it pretty hard to trust people.