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Originally Posted by Shadix
I am a 27 year old guy, and I just have this obsession with making sure I look good enough to attract girls. Lately I have noticed there is a mole on my face. It used to be so small that it wasn't noticable, but now it seems to have grown and I can't seem to take my mind off it. I kind of want to get it removed but at the same time I'm afraid that people will say I am vain. I usually don't give people the impression that I care that much about my looks and I don't really like having the image of a vain person.
The real issue though I think is more about girls. I often find myself attracted to girls and I feel like if they find me unattractive there is a sense of shame about being attracted to them, like they will think "who does this guy think he is thinking I'd be into him, doesn't he realize he is ugly?" I also seem to have developed this issue with watching girls I like swoon over better looking guys than me. This is probably because of past experiences where I went through a lot of emotional turmoil because of this kind of thing.
Is this normal for someone my age?
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Well, im a girl and im 25 so im around your age. Im also pretty much obsessed with looking good also. When I was a kid, I was bullied for having glasses and wild frizzy hair. I was called every name in the book. I think that might be the reason why im so concerned with looking good. I want people to like me. So I think were on the same page here.
About the mole: if you want to get it removed, you should! Especially if it's going to improve your self-esteem. I doubt anyone is going to think any less of you. Plus, even if they do judge you for getting it removed, that's because they are insecure or ignorant. It's none of their business what you do with your body and, if they're a real friend, they won't bash you for it. I want to get a nose job some day and I worry about the same thing. But at the end of the day; their judgement and comments will fade but my nose will still look better than theirs. ;p Of course, make sure the doctor checks it out first to find out why it's grown.
As far as the "girls" topic: If you're a non-threatening gentlemen, no WOMAN with a brain is going to think, "who does this guy think he is thinking I'd be into him, doesn't he realize he is ugly?", if you like them or hit on them (unless your being creepy about it). I find it very flattering when that happens to me even when I have to reject them. And most of the time, I only reject because I simply don't want to be in a relationship or because don't know them well. It's not personal.
So, in a nut shell, this is normal for any age. I've realized that the more I obsess over what people think of me, the less power I have. I still care but i've learned and accepted that im never going to be perfect. Nobody is. Women arent as concerned with a guy's looks as a guy is about women. If I like a guy and can laugh with him, everything about him becomes beautiful. The flaws and all.