bbTofu, I hear you. I suffer from the same dilemma - the things that keep me going also drive me to extreme behavior. Like a lot of people here, I'd use my hypomania to my advantage. It drove me, kept me sharp, and paid off well. But it wasn't sustainable long term and I just imploded. A good friend of mine who has personality disorders recently counseled me and said "it can get better but it can get worse too......it will always be there". I suppose that's the frustrating thing about mental illness in general. There is no cure.

I take Depakote and it makes me a mush-head sometimes. I forget to pay bills, take out the trash. I even forgot to go to work a while back. It frustrates me and makes me laugh at the same time. But things are different for me now. I'm learning to downplay things like "work" and focus on me. To me, trying to keep up with everything is sort of pointless. I'll land somewhere on the chessboard.