Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
I dunno if this has unlocked a lifetime's pain, and I'm mourning more than just this relationship.
I think this^ may be important, and may have been what your current T was trying to get at--though his words were clumsy and unfortunate. Of course you had a relationship! But your relationship with him was probably different (not lesser than, just different from) his relationship with you. Now that you have no interaction, neither relationship can evolve. So, in a way, you are stuck in time emotionally. I think over time your perspective of the relationship will change in some ways. Working through your feelings--especially the aspects that originate within you-- is what will lead you to accept with a sense of peace your feelings and the more objective reality of the relationship equally. I would hope that your T would help you move through this, rather than leap frog over it by dismissing it.
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Whoa! Good insight FKM! Stuck in time emotionally is exactly how I would put my feelings/fantasies/whatever about previous T.
Echoes, to answer your question, I don't think it's unusual. I feel similarly about previous T. It's just the way I am, I hold onto relationships, even when they're not there anymore. I am finally-finally starting to transfer desires/needs out of the fantasy of previousT and into the real relationship with T. It's taken a lot of time though. I haven't seen previous T in almost two years.
Fantasy is harsh, but that's what it is - a relationship with the idea of someone in your mind, but not the actual person in real life.