Shame was my parents one and only parenting technique. No matter WHAT i did, "arent you shame?" Im ashamed you dont even know how to pronounce it right! God how long have i been waiting to say THAT!!

I bent over backwards to deny i felt any shame at all - that is not a good option. Unconditional positive regard and good trustworthy moral guidance from my current t, just talking about how regular people see or handle things or situations, has helped me develop a better conscience. One that is not so negative towards myself or others, and more loving and positive and forgiving towards everyone. Yet still holding my own boundaries, protecting myself. Shame is intrusive.