I haven't seen T in well over a week, as he has been on vacation.

Luckily I have had a lot to keep me busy, but that does not change the intensity of loss I am experiencing while he is away. Interesting, when he first left, my journal entries were very, sort of, loving. Now they show my anger at him for leaving.

I have done quite a bit of writing this past week. Following are some of the poems I wrote, that wonder about the relationship and what it is. (Note, this is not the angry stuff, i'll save that for another time.)

June 27, 2007

Round Ten

Clenched teeth
Swollen eye
Butterflies

Is it true
That the body
Never lies?

Heavy heart
Ache inside
Want to hide

Sitting here
Must begin
Despite despair

I don’t know
If it’s real or
What’s the deal

You in me
Where am I
Can I be?

6/29/07

Swimming

Pools of sadness inside
Behind my eyes
Unreleased tears welling up
Melancholic

The shadow person
Within me
Is it you?
Or me?

New flowers

6/29/07

Imagination

The conversation unspoken
Yet lively
Like magpies

Only ending
When sleep
Overtakes

6/29/07

Alone

The fear of solitary
Confinement
Smothering

The Healing Room

A polar bear sat gazing
Into the sea
Trying to see his reflection
But there were ice floats
That disrupted his view
From time to time