I am diagnosed OCD and GAD, but it's been 7 years since I've seen a therapist or shrink and even when I did, I wasn't totally forthcoming because I'm easily shamed and was maybe in denial. I don't think the OCD/GAD diagnoses were wrong, both of those things are definitely an issue, but I exhibit pretty much every recognized symptom of AvPD, and my continued inability to change my perception and thought process, despite knowing that they are screwed and not normal, make me believe I am avoidant. I'm basically incapable of having a relationship, because I am terrified of rejection and that fear makes me sacrifice who I am, not speak out when I want to, and go to ridiculous lengths to try to please people and be who they want me to be. I can't get past the idea that if I voice any opposition or dissent, people will want nothing to do with me. The few people I'm "close" to I'm still not really close to. I see myself as inferior, even though I know on an intellectual level that I am really not, and so I am always restrained. I recognize these issues within myself but up to this point - in my 40's now - I have been unable to make any lasting changes. Starting to feel kind of hopeless and like this is just who I am and it's not fixable. Can therapy actually help? Is it even possible after all this time that I could have a normal life? And even if I go to therapy, how do I get myself to open up and truly be honest with the t? It's starting to really wear on me that I find myself only able to open up via a keyboard and protected by the relative anonymity of the internet.