I agree with Hooligan, make it a day to spoil yourself. This distraction just might fight off the intrusive thoughts. You need something that takes your mind off the negative thoughts. Is there anyone who can come visit? Being alone would be difficult for you at the moment. Hope everything goes ok and that you stay safe. If you come close to believing that you are about to act on these intrusive thoughts please go to the hospital or call a crisis line. Be your own best friend.