Quote:
Originally Posted by ruh roh
Musing, have you ever gone back to look at your very first posts? After having just started therapy, you were concerned about others who become attached and dependent on their therapists, and you were determined not to let that happen.
Do you think you were influenced by other people's posts, or were other people's posts cluing you in to a potential problem with this therapist?* Because from what I've seen, your therapist read you from the beginning and encouraged a vulnerability and instability that led right into the very situation you feared. You knew this from pretty much day one. I would say your instincts about what you need are very good.
You went there to work out relationship issues, a void in your marriage, but instead of empowering you, therapy has done the opposite, fed right into that vulnerability and void. That is not the way it's supposed to work.
Because you are so attached, you may not be able to leave until forced (as meow pointed out). If you must stay, is there a way to get back to the reason you entered into therapy? After all, therapy is for working out issues in real life, not creating new ones with a therapist.
If you haven't gone back to read your posts, please consider doing that. One of the other things you said was that your therapist first wanted to set you up with her colleague. Is that where this is headed? If so, please think about seeing someone unrelated to this therapist for an outside opinion.
*I often wonder how much reading about other people's bad experiences here have a corrosive effect on the reader's experience with therapy, or how much we (the reader) key in on elements that strike an underlying and valid fear/concern.
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Clementine, thank you so much for that post! I think plenty of us appreciated reading it! Ruh roh, interesting, I did recently go through my first posts on here... and I'm wishing I would have continued doing that throughout, to remind myself. I don' t think being here swayed me in any way...I found it helpful, and I recall asking about attachment, because I know what kind of person I am...I easily become attached to people who are good to me. So one thing being here in the beginning taught me is that people can develop attachment to their therapists that was absolutely crippling. I was shocked by people texting their T's, and being held by them. SHOCKED. Then, gee, my T texted me for the first time, and then that became "ok." Then T held me for the first time, and that became ok too. I felt safe, valued, not so alone. But, I kept posting here throughout...maybe I need to go back from the beginning and read all of my posts (because I haven't read them all). But I went from being shocked by how people had such a crippling attachment to their therapist, to becoming one of them. Thinking back, I'm pretty sure her actions helped that...she had told me she did these things to help earn my trust. I guess once she thought it was stable enough, she discontinued what I grew to become accustomed to, and that ended up being even more crippling. I have a cousin who is a psychologist. I told her the whole story. Her husband is also a phd. She ran it by him. They both concluded that they were quite sure, given the facts, that my T became attached to me, and once she realized it, she spooked and bailed. Maybe that's true. It would explain why things happened the way they did. Knowing that would help me not carry the blame, because I do, I'm quite sure disclosures at that time caused it. But I'm quite sure a T wouldn't admit if they became attached to their clients. She told me not long ago that she wouldn't be saying "I love you." Then, a couple of weeks later, she said it out of the blue. So maybe her thoughts get the better of her sometimes too?
Believe me, I've thought about quitting. I was so close that I actually had a quit date a month off (which actually was going to be last Thursday!). I see her twice a week, and have for about a year now. I started off just once. I'm so alone. The only time I talk about anything of importance to me is here, or in Emails with a couple of gals I met from here. I don't have anyone else to talk to. So my T, showing me care and compassion, maybe wasn't the best thing for me.
As far as seeing her colleague, I think I will cancel. I came to that conclusion before your message. Firstly, I just see no way he can be unbiased. Secondly, yes, this is THE colleage she originally tried to get me to see, what if I see him, then she tries to transfer me to him, because I've already had a session with him after all. If I continued therapy with someone else, I surely couldn't do it with someone who works for her. I'd need a clean break. So I don't think seeing him is a good idea. Thank you SO much for your feedback!!