I've been seeing my individual T for 3.5 years. She was extremely helpful to me for what I initially went there for--panic attacks that seemed much worse since having my daughter. Since then, we've been working on things like marriage issues, parenting issues, grad school stress (that's all done with!), generalized anxiety (she did help me a little with that before), issues with my parents, some childhood stuff, and lately transference for my marriage counselor (initially erotic and paternal, now mostly paternal--for more background, see my many threads on that!), and a bit of maternal transference for her.

I've posted plenty about my connection to my marriage counselor and how I just feel like he gets me more. I was thinking (OK, crying, too) today about some of that stuff and how it seems like most of my understandings and "aha!" moments in the past year or so have been related to stuff he's said, rather than my T. I wish I could switch to him being my T, but I don't know if that's possible, partly because of the marriage counseling--though H and I could switch to someone else--but mainly because of how he's been lately regarding the transference. I may try asking him, but I'm 99.9% sure what his answer would be.

But then I was thinking--in terms of the "aha!" moments, is it just about my connection with MC? Or could it also be about a lack of connection with my T? They're very different people with very different therapy styles. So it may be that I just need someone with more my MC's style (or even further in that direction). And/or it could be that my T has been helpful to me to a certain point, but we've gone as far as we can together. And it might help me to have a new perspective and possibly a different therapy style.

How do you come to this decision? This came up briefly with her last year, but then I was like, "No, no, I want to stick with you!" But lately I find myself telling people, "She's great!" then maybe have trouble thinking exactly what's so great about her for me right now. I may also be having issues with the fact that she never hugs me (or even gives me a pat on the shoulder or handshake). This didn't bother me till she said a few months ago that she does hug some clients. When I finally got up the nerve to ask why not me, she said it's because I have some maternal transference. Which has been bothering me...

I'm thinking if I do consider switching T's (assuming MC gives me the expected answer) that I might want to try someone with a different therapy style. Many of you have mentioned T's that are OK with touch or that use transference as a tool in therapy rather than an obstacle. (And who would maybe say something other than "That's very nice" if I told them I loved them--referring to T here, not MC, incidentally.)

So does it sound like I need a change? If so, any suggestions on how to find someone like I'm describing? Or would that type of person even be good for me? Thanks for any feedback!