Also, I wrote this exact thread a few months ago when I was in this exact position. What I did was say "$&@! It" and I sent the email to my t. I laid it all out there. Not caring where it took me. It was empowering. I even stated that I need touch from her other than hugs. That I need her to sit by me sometimes and put her hand on my back. I said I understood if she can't but then I wanted to talk about therapies that do--somatic experiencing maybe.....I also wanted to talk about emdr (my wife is a t and wants me to try this). I explained how hard it would be for me to leave, how attached I was to her and how it felt like my relationship with my mom (who allowed no touching to occur). I said I was worse now then when I started......I mean I just laid it all out there. Understanding that she may want to refer me. This is what happened. First, I felt empowered. I was finally taking control of my therapy. The powers was mine, not hers. She met me half way. She said she would sit by me and touch my back. She said she was scared I would "get stuck" but would do it and would not say no. She does it with the boundary of "not all the time". She also talked about other therapies and was open to me trying them saying I could do both (her and emdr) for a transition or she would be right where she is if things didn't work out somewhere else. I also believe the letter made her understand more how intense the transference was which made her know how to help me better. All of this made me relax a little more in the relationship (it is not perfect) and we will see how it all ends. But I say.......throw it all out there, take back your power. Be brave and tell her her lack of consistency has really sucked because it has!