I´m in agony about contacting or not contacting my old T after we had a bad rupture. It´s quite a long story but I was in therapy with her for some months, I liked her and we did fine up until I sent her a couple of opinions about the therapy which she couldn´t handle, she became dismissive.

I was chocked about it and couldn´t handle go see her and the therapy ended by phone. Since then I´ve been searching for a new T, for several months now. One or two has felt OK but for different reasons I haven´t found a new T.

My old T told me at the end I should try psychoanalysis instead of psychodynamic therapy and I´ve met with a couple of psychoanalysists but I don´t feel it´s right even if my old T recommended me that.

Old T never told me I wasn´t allowed to contact her again but she never told me the opposite either.

As I saw old T for just some months I can´t really tell something about the progression but I felt more hope and strength. Old T said she didn´t think she was the right T for me but there´s a big but about that because she just before the rupture told me we did good therapy together and that I were a special client to her.

I really don´t know what to do and I take into consideration things like

*Being hurt and disappointed again if I contact her and she says no to see me.

*If she says yes to see me again, that we´ll end up in a rupture again

*I´ve felt very bad about the rupture, crying and still cries over it sometimes. I feel worse than before I went into therapy.

But I also think I can overcome the things that caused the rupture, it´s more that I´m uncertain about the consequences if we´d start therapy again. I also know that when I´ve now seen several other T:s in evaluation I´ve always thought about my old T, regretting we ended therapy the way we did. Old T told me not to regret what happened but I do.

I would need some advice on this.