Dazed:

I referred to ego-mania as the grandiosity that people with bipolar tend to have when in manic state. My cousin gets that real bad. I'm not sure if it's an accepted mental illness state, but I've seen it with my own two eyes and that's sure what it looks like to me

Let me give you a rundown of my family history and then I'll tell you a little about myself. (This might be long...sorry, but it pertains to the children question).

First of all, my family history is pretty wraught with brain disorders. My maternal great grandmother was institutionalized a longggg time ago for psychosis. They said she had a "brain tumor" because mental illness was not considered in the same light it is today. My maternal great grandmother was suffering from delusions, as Alzheimer's wreaked havoc on his brain. My maternal grandfather was diagnosed "manic depressive" in 1969. At that time, in the small hick town he lived with the old town doctor said, "He could control himself if he wanted to." No meds, if he was strong enough and had enough faith he could do it. It took a long time for them to get out of this frame of mind. My mother's only brother was the first of the children to be diagnosed. He was diagnosed as manic in the late 70's, while in his late twenties. My mother was hospitalized in 1978 with a "nervous breakdown". She went on for many years to "medicate herself" with drugs and alcohol. Her only sister was diagnosed at age 25 with paranoid schizophrenia. She was also a self-medicator. My grandpa's sister was diagnosed manic and two of her six children were diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. One committed suicide. One lives in and out of psychosis.

My mother's only sister's only son was diagnosed with Bipolar but had schizophrenic tendencies. Hears voices, delusions, but some of that also goes along with bipolar. My brother was diagnosed at age 15 with paranoid schizophrenia with many symptoms of bipolar disorder.

I am the oldest of five siblings. I have been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety/panic disorders NOS. Next in line is a brother, he is 8 months younger than me, born prematurely. He goes through paranoia, delusions, grandiosity. He will not seek treatment. I've tried with him. He just won't do it. It's frustrating. Then, my younger sister, she has ideas of grandiosity. I really think she has bipolar disorder. She was being treated for PTSD several months back and just quit. Now depression has set in. She never went long enough to get an accurate diagnosis other than the PTSD. Then is Josh, who is schizophrenic. And then my baby brother, he is 20 and in a perpetual state of childhood. He is so innocent still. A married man, working, in the military, but so childlike and innocent. He tries so hard to please everyone.

Now having said the family history. I think that environment plays a role, in our case anyway.

My brother and I, as the oldest were abandoned at age 3 and 4. My mother always self-medicated and had left us several times before with her parents, but this time she was gone for 4 1/2 years. When she did come back around, my dad didnt know it but she was really heavily into drugs. I was emotionally/ mentally abused and also physically abused. She hated me, resented me, took her rage out on me. But I wanted so much for her to love me, that I never said anything. My brother, she never wanted, and she ignored him mercilessly (and I guess mercifully).

My brother with schizophrenia had alot of the symptoms of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He had speech problems, and also alot of birth defects (that couldn't be seen on the outside). She told me one time that she was "so drunk she passed out the night before he was born". I asked her if she felt bad and she said Not really. She never showed him affection. She hated him as well because she said, his dad loved him more than he loved her. So she doted on the other two kids, to make up for it. At this time, the two oldest were forgotten. When we started visiting her again. I was 9 years old and Josh became "my baby". He was always on my lap and giving me hugs and it was worth whatever I had to go through to be able to give him the affection he deserved. he was such a sweet little boy.

Now....having said all the depressing crap.....

I will relay my life today. Married for 10 years. Had my first child at 16. My daughter is now 11. She has a brother, who is 8 and a baby sister who is 6. They are secure and happy children. They come to us (my husband and I) for everything. Nothing is taboo. I want my children to know that I love them no matter what. I'm hoping I'm making a difference by breaking the cycle. But I don't have on my rose colored glasses just yet, these are brain DISORDERS, not something that someone 'causes' but I do believe the environment plays a role as to the severity of the situation. My children do have an added tendency for mental illness and it can happen to anybody. But I'm here and I'm watching and I'm doing my best to let them know they're going to be accepted no matter what. They have little fear of mentally ill people. Their favorite Uncle is schizophrenic. He's like their big brother and we are both proud of him, he's our oldest "child".

Footnote: My mother, finally, at age 44, was hospitalized in Aug. and got her diagnosis. Bipolar disorder, psychosis, major recurrent depression, PTSD, and atypical DID. She is now being treated...