Quote:
Originally Posted by musinglizzy
No, she never admitted fault. It was something that was never discussed before she started doing this, or during. Or even after. It wasn't discussed until almost a month went by and I realized she wasn't offering it anymore (it wasn't every session, and was only for the last few minutes of a session when it was). So I brought it up to her. I was hurt that she didn't tell me in the beginning that this was a temporary boundary crossing for her. I was hurt that she didn't talk to me about any feelings behind it, or that she even told me when she took it away. So I wasn't upset that she took it away so much, but that she wouldn't discuss it with me, or let me know it was only temporary. She said at that point if it hadn't been that that caused a rupture, it would have been something else. So she carries no blame in how she handled things. And I say she should have discussed it with me if not before or during, when she decided to take it away. I asked her prior to this about boundaries, and she pretty much listed off just one, and that was no gifts. Well by then I'd already done a painting for her and given it to her....she didn't say anything at the time. So no, she doesn't think she handled anything incorrectly at all. If she would consider admitting she should have done something different, I think I could move on. She also won't tell me what exactly made her decide to stop. Because I feel it was a disclosure I made. She assured me that nothing I did made her stop, but she won't tell me what did.
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It would also definitely bother me that she isn't open to discuss it or admit she was partly at fault. That's one thing I particularly like about my marriage counselor--that he's willing to admit that he messed up in how he handled something or that he misunderstood me, things like that.
You mentioned in another post on here that you keep worrying that she'll take something else away, and I think you were worried about accidentally touching her hand on the stairs (right?) I completely understand this, because if you don't know *why* something happened, then you don't know how to keep it from happening again. Which leads to anxiety and insecurity. As for assuming it was something you said, I get what you mean there, too. It was almost right after I told MC that I loved him that he seemed to start pulling back. So without any other information, I had to assume it was because of that. Which really hurt, because he'd reassured me before that nothing I said would cause him to reject me or go anywhere. He did try to explain all that a bit more, and seemed to understand why I thought that, but I think we need to have more discussion about it. If your T won't even discuss the issues with you, then that seems really painful and frustrating.
