Just spoke with T on the phone.

He said he is looking forward to talking to me tomorrow.

I told him I was scared that he would go away.

He said he's not going anywhere.

He's nuts.

I wish I could just lose it in session. Not lose my mind, but just cry. A lot. In the two years we have been together, I have only let one single tear escape. I cry by myself. I stopped crying in front of my husband because I don't want to be disappointed by his response. I don't cry in front of friends. My family is in NY. Once in awhile I have cried over the phone, but I want to cry in the presence of someone.... but I don't. Because he can't hold me. I don't know what it would be like, to be comforted within all that space. T has the ability to allow me to feel very taken care of. Even over the phone. So I guess it would feel okay. Or maybe it would be horrible. I don't know if I could allow myself to let go like that. There's just so much %#@&#! built up inside at this point; how do I let it out in session?