I don't know what to start with...
I feel like everything is falling apart. Medically I am diagnosed with Clinical depression/ Generalized anxiety, and PTSD... Since I was 7/8 years old. I've been abused most of my life especially from a therapist I thought I trusted.
I also have hemophilia and it destroys me every single day. I don't have many people to talk to and when I do they just leave me.
I tried getting together with old friends but they don't want me to..
I was in the hospital 2 times this week for anxiety related reasons (passing out). I texted my therapist the first time and he texted back.. Texted him again when I was in the ER a second time with no response. I feel like a waste of time. Nobody likes me. Therapy is pointless I've been through so many therapists I just want to give up. Every night I cry myself to sleep. My head always hurts.

I have obsessive thoughts about the abuse in my past. When they go through my head I get so overwhelmed and numb. I just want to throw up..

I don't sit around and feel sorry for myself. I exercise, I hike, I go out as much as possible but I just don't know.

I recently turned 19 and Since I was little I told myself it will get better once I turn 18 but it never did.

I just wanted to let this out I am sorry.
I am not suicidal or anything. Just overwhelmed and lonely. All I have is my therapist.