I walk in all happy happy...discuss my problems...whatever my T suggests..i make excuses that it can not be done...it will only create more problems for me...

i want to be authentic...but i treat this relationship with T just like any other ..by being a bit fake.
i wonder if i really do fool him like i do others in my outside life.
i must be an expert at it..if i am fooling a professional.
He hasnt said anything regarding it yet. i have had about 10 sessions so far.

He doesnt encourage writing letters, prefers that you speak.
i have a session coming up next week. i am journaling alot to clear out my mind and thoughts.
i feel bad for shooting down all his suggestions in last session...i really could try some of them. just that its stepping out of my comfort zone and taking a risk..so i immediately made an excuse...oh no..not that..no way..that would be a disaster.i know how this person would react if i express my feelings.
in reality, its worth the try...forget about the other persons reaction...atleast its something i got off my chest. other person can do as they wish.

so should i apologize for not really listening to him in last session and then give my feedback?

anyone else in this boat with me...do u have ur mask on or off?
i completely understand that its uselss for me to go...with my mask ON...but i am trying to take this mask off.
i do trust him..maybe its a need for him to like me and not think i am stupid...? no idea what it is..i am trying to declutter my mind...