Don't feel obligated to read or respond to this post. I just gotta tell someone (ok, so I actually do hope people at least read it). I'm sick of living in this trashy house. My OCD makes cleaning it up extremely difficult, and my being fat and out-of-shape only makes it worse. I keep trying to talk to my boyfriend about it (the mess is not all because of me), but I hardly see him long enough to have a conversation. He hangs out in his office, he's out driving or working, or he's in bed.

I just want my room cleaned up, so I can get the computer I bought in January up and running, so I can write! (Publishers don't take hand-written manuscripts.) I've reluctantly decided to put my books in storage to make more room in my room. I can't lift the plastic totes myself, plus they need to be dusted with Clorox Wipes. (That's my OCD there.) I don't think my boyfriend can lift them, either, but he doesn't want anyone to see the house (understandably). He won't set a date. When I told him (many days ago) I'd like it done before he goes on vacation (July 3 - July 12), he seemed to think that wouldn't happen. And it won't.

I want to scream and cry. If I could at least get writing, then I have hope to change my life. Right now I'm stuck. I'm sick of the fleas (from the cats), ants, and flies (not a lot of flies, but just a few are annoying). Oh, and spiders.

I don't have much room on my bed. That's supposed to be part of the cleanup of my room. My OCD complicates everything (and so does my panic disorder). I'm going insane in this mess. If my room was cleaned out, I could keep it that way, because I'd have more room to do it.

I just feel helpless, and my boyfriend has his own problems. He's late on some bills (including one that affects MY credit score), money is dwindling, and is talking about taking some more of his shrinking retirement funds. I don't know what to do, but I can't keep this up. No, I don't mean I'm suicidal; I'm not. I just mean something has to change.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

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