I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand different directions. The really sad thing is that I feel both like I *want* to be pulled in a thousand different directions but also just left alone at the same time. I want to cling to the one I love but also push him far, far away. I want a lot of friends but I want to be totally friendless. I need help but I know nobody wants to help me. Why bother? I can't sleep but I'm afraid I'm just dreaming. I don't know anything. War nothing; BPD is hell.