I finally found the route of my problem, I have found it impossible to exist as an adult which explains my obssession of the age seventeen I was living as a seventeen year old would. I read the book, "Changes that Heal.." and read the ways of thinking and worshipping God that weren't adult that were still childlike or immature it is a very good book that walks you through everything you're feeling step by step..I am ready to face adulthood, yes without all my high school friends, yet i am me not them and live my life as I do.