he called me this morning and even though i carried that phone everywhere he somehow managed to call during a moment when i didn't hear it. DAMMIT. i barely slpet waiting for that call. He said i hadn't "screwed it up." The message had some helpful things in it, but it didn't help my feelings at all. He said he had 9 appts today and so he didn't know if he could reconnect with me or not. i called and told him via voicemail that i did still want to try. i am home now, carrying the phone everywhere.

My inkling that te letter was angry was AFTER the session and upon re-reading it once i got home. I didn't mean for it to be angry... but it was intense.

no, my doc does not recommend i dope myself out of consciousness when i am upset... of course not. And that matters why? i do what i feel will get me through.