I feel a lot of these things as well. I do not want to be a disappointment to the people that matter most in my life. And I'm very new at this so my level of expertise is not high, but I think maybe you may benefit from what I would like to do as well. I feel that a lot of these problems stem from my own self-esteem. If you do not have confidence in yourself, can you expect others to have confidence and respect for you? I'm going to start by believing that I am worth something, believing that I have a purpose in life, and really showing that to myself. And hey, they always say the first step is to admit you have a problem. Maybe this is the next step on your journey. Just know you are not alone, and I'm sure we are not the only people on this website who have these same feelings. It's going to get better!