Denseheartofglass hi, sorry you feel so desperate, you sound like a lovely person who has been hurt by her early experiences as your T said, seeing Mom in trouble is so hard for a child and you learn what you see. You show huge courage sharing here and addressing this in therapy. Jo has some good suggestions. I have problems with relationships myself but different from yours as we are all different. There are enough caring people on this site, continue posting and responding to other threads and you will find people who understand. I find responding to people helps me too. Best wishes on your journey. Try to be kind to yourself and understanding of your feelings, you're entitled to feel what you feel. I hope you find a way to live more comfortably you're worth as much as anyone else.