I've got some reservations about putting this post up but it might help me get some understanding and support for what's happening, especially for those who post in the anxiety forum.
I was sexually assualted when I was 15. It was a pretty bad experience, something I wouldn't ever want to go through again. I was so sure that I had completely gotten over it but lately some ugly feelings have been dug up from the past. I have obsessive compulsive disorder, where I excessively worry that I will molest children or commit vioent acts. These thoughts scare me a lot and I'm not interested in acting on them but for some strange reason, despite me not wanting to do them I feel as though I've got no choice. What I was thinking about the other day is that maybe the ocd is a run off from the assualt? What do you all think? I can't tell myself. I have no idea how much or how little an effect it's had on my life. The whole period of time after it seems sort of blurry.
I saw a counsellor today about sexual assualt. I told her that I was absolutely terrified that I was going to become an offender myself and she told me that she couldn't guarantee me that I was not going to become one. So now I've taken that the complete wrong way and I see it as that I will definitely end up a paedophile. I've spent most of this afternoon in complete panic and desperation mode. I don't know what to do. I was walking home after our session and I saw two boys walking along the rode. I had to cross the road because I was so scared that I was going to attack them. This is horrible. I want to feel safe around children but instead I feel like I'm a threat. Any thoughts?