I am really struggling with Self Injury. Badly. I also have disassociation disorder, that in itself makes it harder to control it.

Today I'm done. I'm so f****** done with everything and everybody. My only close friend whom is a guy is ignoring me and pretty much telling me to f*** off one minute then he's all over me the next. I'm so confused I wanna cry cause I care so deeply for him and I don't know why he's acting like this. I feel so use by him right how.

My two closest girlfriends don't even know about the self harm. Or that it started again. The one who lives in the same city as me doesn't contact me at all nor take any interest in me since getting together with her new boyfriend. It's like she's forgotten who's been there for her for the last four years while she went through hell. I miss her.

My other girlfriend lives six hours away and can only telephone me everyday. I am so close to her that telling her everything I'm going through would hurt her which would hurt me even more cause I'm the one that caused it.

I feel so alone. Unwanted. Unloved. I have been taken off my AD due to muscle spasms and tachycardia. It seems like everytime I see my nurse it feels like I am a burden and waste of time to her. I just want my Meds back. I want this fight to be over.*

I'm trying so hard to not SI.
It's so damn hard.
I wish I could see my therapist, or at least have the balls to call her or the helpline.