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Originally Posted by where.ever.you.are.
Well, im a girl and im 25 so im around your age. Im also pretty much obsessed with looking good also. When I was a kid, I was bullied for having glasses and wild frizzy hair. I was called every name in the book. I think that might be the reason why im so concerned with looking good. I want people to like me. So I think were on the same page here.
About the mole: if you want to get it removed, you should! Especially if it's going to improve your self-esteem. I doubt anyone is going to think any less of you. Plus, even if they do judge you for getting it removed, that's because they are insecure or ignorant. It's none of their business what you do with your body and, if they're a real friend, they won't bash you for it. I want to get a nose job some day and I worry about the same thing. But at the end of the day; their judgement and comments will fade but my nose will still look better than theirs. ;p Of course, make sure the doctor checks it out first to find out why it's grown.
As far as the "girls" topic: If you're a non-threatening gentlemen, no WOMAN with a brain is going to think, "who does this guy think he is thinking I'd be into him, doesn't he realize he is ugly?", if you like them or hit on them (unless your being creepy about it). I find it very flattering when that happens to me even when I have to reject them. And most of the time, I only reject because I simply don't want to be in a relationship or because don't know them well. It's not personal.
So, in a nut shell, this is normal for any age. I've realized that the more I obsess over what people think of me, the less power I have. I still care but i've learned and accepted that im never going to be perfect. Nobody is. Women arent as concerned with a guy's looks as a guy is about women. If I like a guy and can laugh with him, everything about him becomes beautiful. The flaws and all.
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I was also bullied in school. I was pretty much a social outcast from elementary school all the way through high school. In late high school when I noticed my brother was cool and popular with the girls, something snapped and I decided this is not good enough for me and I developed this feeling that I need to turn things around and have my chance to be cool and get attention from girls and that I will be angry and depressed until that happens. Ironically, I also have frizzy hair and glasses, but I was picked for reasons other than that, I just acted weird and different from the other kids for some reason.
I don't really believe the whole thing about women being less concerned about a guy's looks. I have read there are studies showing that looks matter just as much to women. Perhaps if a woman gets to know a guy very well, other qualities can make her develop feelings for him, but when it comes to initial attraction, it is pretty much all about looks. Well, what if I don't like any of the women that I have the opportunity to get to know? If I am not good looking enough to make women attracted to me without getting to know me very well, then those are the only ones I will have any chance with. Also, from what I've seen, women do hate it and find it sleazy when guys they don't know hit on them. The only exception is when the guy is cute.
When I ask my mom about the mole, she basically tells me it is barely noticable and talks to me like I am imagining or something. I am pretty sure she is lying and just doesn't want me to feel insecure. But she doesn't understand the importance of looks since she grew up in a culture where girls don't do the casual dating thing when they are young and then when they grow up they just marry based on social status and who their parents approve of. I feel like people in general will judge me as being vain and shallow if I get it removed, but at the same time, if I allow myself to be unattractive and chase the girls I want, I will be judged as a pathetic delusional loser for thinking I can get attractive girls.