She will not be grossed out by you.

The shame and yuck are not yours to bear, it is your abusers'.

Are you able to contact her out of session? Do you think you can drop her an email/text regarding how you feel?

I understand that it must feel absolutely terrifying and horrible to go back and face her next session...but she will not reject you or be disgusted.

She is probably deeply honoured that you felt safe enough to risk disclosing abuse to her.

I've an very avoidant coping style so I disclose things by ensuring I'm emotionally numb before hand so I can talk as though things are "no big deal".

Once I confessed something I felt ashamed about...Trying my best to sound flippant and like it didn't matter, but it mattered a lot to me.

I wanted to cancel the next therapy appointment but I'm glad I went because I managed to ask my T what she felt and she wasn't disgusted by me at all. In fact, she thought I was brave for risking vulnerability.