Why is it that we humans keep looking in the rear view mirror? Or, that when one door closes, instead of looking for a new door, we keep banging our head against the one that is shut? Fear is in the future, I suppose, and there is comfort in what we knew, or THOUGHT we knew.
It is time to let it go. There is someone else in your future, but it you never move forward, you will never find her. Please get some professional help with this. There is a whole big wonderful world out there. Big hug.