Oh Solepa, I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this.
I went through something at very similar at the end of last year, when I told my T something from my past. I had to ask her is she thought I was disgusting. I felt disgusting. I felt that she must be able to see it, or feel it, or smell it or something, it was such a tangible thing for me.

Trigger SI

I felt better after a couple more sessions. Some reassurance from her, and just some time, it got a bit easier.

Very recently I've told her a bit more, and I have all those feelings again. I am disgusting, she must think it's my fault, etc. I write poems in my journal, and that helps a lot. Unfortunately, I also use SI, alcohol and retail therapy, though any relief is short lived and the after effect is always feeling worse

I hope you can find a way to work through these feelings. Ad I hope, and believe, that some reassurance from your T will really help.