So we see MC again this afternoon. I thought I was mostly OK with things after last weeks' session, but a few crying spells over the past week have made me realize I'm not really OK with things. I talked to H about it, and he's fine with us talking about it more at today's session. The thing is, I wonder if MC just assumes everything's all fixed now or if he's expecting more conversation about it. Though really, he should know me well enough at this point to expect me to discuss it more.

I'm just trying to figure out exactly what to say, aside from "I'm still having trouble dealing with our phone conversation a couple weeks ago." What I really want to know, I guess, is whether his door is now closed to me or if this is just a temporary thing while I get over the reassurance thing. Of course, my asking that is asking for reassurance, so he probably wouldn't answer. Or he'd say something like he did on the phone, like, "What if I said it was closed, why does that upset you so much?" or something like that.

OK, what I really want to ask is why he really changed how he's acting toward me--like is there some form of countertransference going on? But I assume he'd just say something like, "Every T has some sort of CT with every client." Or "Those are my issues to deal with, not yours."

Ugh, I just can't figure out how to ask him anything without sounding like I'm looking for reassurance, which will just prove his point. I just want him to help me figure out why I'm so attached to him and how to deal with that. I know he wants me to work with my T on that, but apparently, that hasn't been successful the past few months, or I wouldn't be in this place right now...