I'm so sorry. Abuse in childhood can make all emotions feel scary. If you had a parent that got angry at you crying, for instance, you learn not to ever cry.

Treatment is - and it's wicked hard - have emotions, and show them, in a safe space with a person you can trust. Hopefully your therapist will start you off with happiness and laughter.

I think - I don't know, so take this with a grain of salt - that not allowing yourself to feel anything is not linked to depression, but it sure as heck sounds like something that could lead to depression, if you bottle everything up for an extended period of time.