My fingers are crossed for you too (re: your mom). Hopefully she just forgets all about the event. It really sucks that stuff like this has to cause us stress. I don't get it, it feels to me like relatives (like my mom and grandfather) tend to treat us *less* well than they would friends or acquaintances. Like this thing with my mom not bothering to figure out her plans, and just assuming she can stop by whenever she likes.

My sister apparently spent some time with my mom and grandfather recently, and they were basically talking about me, saying "she needs help" (because I don't come visit them and don't like traveling!!!) I think it's hugely ironic... yes I need help, because the lack of parenting I received left me screwed up. And, I'm in therapy (I don't talk to them about that, obviously). And me not wanting to visit has less to do with traveling and more to do with not enjoying spending time with them, and not wanting to be stuck in the middle of nowhere with my mom and her husband, who tends to not have great boundaries.

Speaking of... is this weird? My mom's husband retired, and is now driving a school bus in their town. One of the girls at the high school has a bad family situation, and (apparently? I'm not sure, I heard this 3rd hand) got kicked out of her home... so my mom's husband invited her to live with them. She's staying in a trailer on their property, but, according to my sister, they're doing things like going to teacher conferences for her and trying to help her get situated in the world. My sister was a bit flabbergasted, because my mom was in no way helpful or nurturing when we were that age. I'm more concerned that my mom's H is inviting teen girls to live with them, and taking them under his wing. I don't know, it just creeps me out a bit?

Oh, and yeah, it is most definitely not your responsibility to encourage your mom to go out and make friends. She's the parent, she needs to figure it out. Do you feel like she wants to be your friend? That's sort of what it feels like with my mom... like, she was completely incapable of parenting when I was young, but now that I'm all grown up and don't really need her to be a parent, she's super excited for us to be best friends! And, I, obviously, have no interest in that. I think it hurts her, but... it's insane to me that she doesn't recognize how bad of a mother she was ! I was just thinking last night how crazy-making it is with families, once you're grown up, to have to hang out and pretend like everything is just lovely and normal and wonderful, when really, things were so nuts that you're shelling out tens of thousands of dollars on therapy trying to unravel it all!

OK - sorry I'm going on! re: My brother, yeah, he seems to be pretty likeable. He's very *charismatic* and doesn't have any trouble winning people over, it seems like. People do seem to like him. He's also, sadly, very good at lying (very convincing). I'm not sure how it's going for him... I tried calling a couple Saturdays ago, and it was *weird*. He said that he was doing a side job and couldn't talk, but that his main job had fallen through, that the boss had bought land in another county and moved, closing the business. It seems odd to me, buying property and moving usually takes more than a week or two... so I'm a little nervous that he's fallen back in with his old friends. I can't be sure, he sounded OK, but I worry for him. And he never did call me back like he said he would.

Hmmm.... are you sure you actively put people off, as opposed to maybe just not welcoming them in? You know what I mean? Put people off sounds like actively scaring them away. I think, if you're introverted, you might just not come across as *welcoming* the interaction, which is different (I think). Do you have anyone your close to in real life who could give you some honest feedback? Hmm... I think you said before that you find just about everybody highly annoying - I wonder if that might be coming through? If I were talking to you, and got the feeling that you thought I was annoying, I'd probably back off and not really pursue more interactions

I don't know, you come across great in text... you seem adept at empathizing, relating, having good ideas, sharing about yourself, responding to my stuff... nothing that raises red flags to me! What are your conversations like in real life? I mean... do you find you're talking more/less/about the same amount as the other person? Are you making lots of eye contact or not much?

I kind of wonder if it's a "being relaxed" thing. My brother gives off a very relaxed, "everything's good" vibe (I think). My boss, who is super social and seems to make friends and relate to people easily, is like that too. (Though my mom is really social, but I don't get a relaxed vibe from her... maybe that's just because of our relationship.) Do you think maybe you're feeling stressed/anxious and that's coming across, and making people uncomfortable?

I don't know how helpful any of that is... you've probably been over all that already in your head! You know... you could always try a couple sessions with a coach/counselor in person and ask them for some honest feedback about it? It seems like something that's specific enough, and actionable, that you might get good results without getting sucked down the rabbit hole of craziness that is therapy

Wow - super cool that the home equipment for doing pottery might be affordable! How fun! It sounds like it would be nice to avoid the long delays with having your pieces fired, and the chance that your pieces will be given away (!) - but would you miss the people there? Or would you possibly still hang out and do the class, but just bring your stuff home to fire on your own?

That's interesting, and probably true, that it might be easier to find people willing to let me do IA if I'm not trying to do it for free. I wish I had a bit more confidence in my skills, I just hate to sell myself when I'm not feeling really up-to-par. Maybe I could find an online class to just get ramped back up a bit... that could help. I'm also a little nervous, my (very large) employer might not like my selling my skills on the side. I'm not sure how that works out.

I hope your weather stays nice, so you can enjoy it on the next day you have off! It's awful here... so hot and humid. You walk outside and it just feels like you're stuck between sweaty elephants - ick! Thank goodness for A/C!