Hey mates. I may have BPD or not, but my problem mainly is relationships and my self-image. Occasionally I become obsessed with a girl, and after that my mood is dictated by how she treats me. I'm in my early 20's now. Till 2 years ago, I didn't have the courage to approach girls. Finally one girl approached me, but she couldn't tolerate my BPD traits and it ended up traumatically for me.

That relationship made me realize that I've been having a faulty self-image, and I can be potentially attractive to some girls. Since then, I've been trying girls on OkCupid etc. I've been able to make some friendships, but all of them finally have ended up with them wanting to end it, and agony for me, not to mention hundreds of rejections and not-responded messages, which every single one of them hurts.

Currently I have many opportunities in university etc around me, but I feel too depressed to do anything. I used to have like 3 close female friends, but the last one just left me recently.

I've decided to avoid girls for a while, and stick to other things in life, but I just can't... I need to fix my self-image, but all I have in minds is painful rejections by girls, and I can't try any new girls, because I can't bear any more rejections. So what should I do to distract myself?

P.S. I have a long history of depression. I used to be very lonely, left out, and feeling the coldness of the world. I even had one attempt of suicide. Things changed and I got better. But right now, I'm feeling that coldness again... The people whom I care about, don't care back about me. Suicide is not an option for me anymore, because of that horrid experience of suicide attempt I had.