My mental illness is damaging many aspects of my life, especially my relationships. I don't know how much of it is MI, or if it's just me. How do I unlearn a lifetime of dysfunction and defense mechanisms that are a result of my unstable upbringing?

BG: I am 34 and have lived with major depression and anxiety since I was a child; diagnosed in adulthood with borderline personality disorder, PTSD, bipolar II and dependent disorder. My father was paranoid schizophrenic, my home life was chaotic and tumultuous, I was severely bullied mostly by boys, was raped twice. As a teenager and young adult, I sought attention from the wrong sort of men to fill the void. It's been an endless cycle of abuse, and I want to break it for the sake of my own family. I am an extremely sensitive person, I have problems with controlling my emotions and impulses.

I have been with my bf for 6 years and we have a 2.5 year old together. He also has 2 adult children from his previous marriage. I don't want to be that angry, sad mom/partner that my family has to walk on eggshells around.

I have done a lot of work on myself over the years. Therapy, research, an endless string of medications, hospitalizations. Everything will be going great, but then every month, right before my period, I have some sort of explosive episode that damages the quality of my relationship with my bf. I know I need to take responsibility for my actions and can't just blame the fact that I have an illness, but I feel I have no control over myself.

I wonder if it's even possible to have a functioning, healthy romantic relationship with MI involved. I want love and a happy family more than anything else, but I'm not sure I'm capable of loving. My heart is huge, but my mind is distorted and confused.