Hi Killian Hook

It sounds like you have no way to communicate with this old friend. If you have tried to apologize and make amends via phone, e-mail, snail mail I am not sure what else you can do. All you can do is try to apologize and forgive. I understand the pain, shame and depression hangs over you.

I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are but if you can ask forgiveness from God as you know Him, God can forgive. Unfortunately, people are not as good at forgiving. I know you feel remorse and regret, but I can also see that at some point you will need to move on as well.

My heart goes out to you and I pray you find peace.