I went back into see my nurse today. I told her I wish to restart my AD cause my symptoms haven't gone away. She says she sees it as an option but won't do it until m therapist preapproves it.

I expressed how done I am with life to her. She didn't seem to sympathetic towards that. I also told her something has to give and I'm so done with this constant daily downward battle that I can't seem to get out of no matter how hard I try or what I do.

At the same time I want to fully disclose this to my therapist but I know that she will dig deeper then my nurse and I am scared to get hospitalized. Even though I am like this I am stil barely able to keep it together and take care of my three kids. I get break with school and daycare which is nice.

I am so scared of snapping. I don't snap on other people (unless they hit me first) I tend to bottle it all up, then snap and explode on myself. I'm scared cause I know what I'm capable of.