OK maybe this is a rant or maybe it's just non sense either way I have to get it out somehow since I really have no one to talk to. So this weekend I wanted to go camping for Father's day but my wife didn't want to take the weekend off cause her Dad is wanting to go next weekend for her. So OK I decide to make the best of it and jufineookout instead. Well I work my butt off on getting the yard mowed and cleaned up, now we're talking 1.25 acres of land. Then Saturday afternoon we go pay on a layaway and get us an AC cause ours is on the way out. She sees a ring she likes and she needs one like it for work. So OK fine I get it. Later when we're trying to get stuff at the store she starts a big nasty fight in the middle of the store. I'm starting to get anxious which do to my GAD triggers bad manic episodes and I keep trying to come to a solution but she keeps pushing till I break. So to keep from doing something stupid I hand her my debit card and walk outside of the store to calm down and gather myself. I walk back in figuring she's ready. She is and we walk out without her responding to anything I say. We get home and she blows up at me again now I'm realizing I've gotta get away cause I'm getting dark feeling. I grab my helmet for some wind therapy, and she just snarls at me, "sure walk away like cowards always do." Oh that was it I sat the helmet down and let her have it verbally with both barrels rest of the night pretty much stayed away from each other. Sunday comes around, Father's day I'm thinking surely today will be better. Ha fat chance! As I was drinking my coffee and all I notice this "smell" and flies around my 4 year olds guinea pig. "No, this can't happen today!", I'm thinking, but sure enough she's gone. My daughter spoiled this thing, they talked to each other, I mean it was far from neglected. Come to find out swamp coolers and guinea pigs are not good together. So I figured get the kids and myself ready for church and when we get back take my youngest daughter aside and talk to her. Nope that's not going to happen my 8 year old son decides she needs to be informed by him. So that was a wreck. Get back from Church spend 2 hours digging a deep enough hole to bury it. The kids came out and per my 4 year old daughter's request we had a service. After hugging three crying, screaming children and doing my best to console them and wipe the tears streaming down my cheeks. I mean as a father you do your best to protect and love them but losing a loved one (yes IMO even animals count) you yourself feel so helpless. As I kneeled between them arms hugging the three as closely as I can. My heart broke to hear those lamenting wails and know I was so powerless. After all that was done and the three troopers helped me put dirt in the little grave. I determined I was not going to have this day taken. My wife comes home from work and I tell her we're still cooking out. So she reluctantly agreed and we got everything. Get home and I get the grill going, walk inside and she's asleep on the couch. OK fine I'll do it all. So I wash up dishes, get the beans going, get the mashed potatoes going, and smoke a pork loin by myself plus clean off the dining room table. At the end of it all I'm exhausted it's 9 at night I have to do the dishes from dinner cause she had something to do. I finish and what she had to do instead of helping me was get me a spice cake. REALLY after everything that happened, she buys herself this nice ring but I get a cheap throw together cake. For mother's day I cleaned the house let her sit and relax surprised her with a dozen roses and a plant for her garden. So yeah I'm beginning to wonder is this really worth it, the marriage. I mean I know I have my moments, and our early marriage was rough due to my alcoholism and pot addiction. That was 5 years ago must I pay for it the rest of my life? Sorry so long but had to get it out thanks for reading.