Has your wife ever seen a professional? Or have the two of you ever been to counseling together? She probably has issues. Dysfunction attracts dysfunction, and it sounds like you have been trying to overcome yours over the years, but what about her? Has she been working on her issues? Her behavior sounds selfish and immature, but there could be an underlying personality disorder, mood disorder, or even combination. But she would still need to be willing to work on it, nobody can do that for her. Is she open to the idea of seeking out some help, on her own or together as a couple?

Also that was really sweet of you to have a funeral for the guinea pig for your kids. I grew up with a rather abusive father and then he more or less abandoned fatherhood for his new girlfriend when I was a teenager. It left huge holes in my heart and life. So be assured that your efforts are worth a great deal, coming from someone who knows what the absence of such efforts does to people. They are lucky to have ya.