I've gone unmedicated outside of self-medicating for so many years that I've developed some rather strong disassociation mechanisms, from so many countless times of trying so hard to keep my issues hidden. I mostly get dysphoric mania and it tends to come with a lot of agitation, hostility, aggression, paranoia. Yet it's not who I actually am deep down, so I've never truly wanted to hurt or attack people. So I've spent years trying to fight it on my own. By now the end result is that when my stress level suddenly spikes, I start to disassociate. So whenever I go to see a professional, my stress level spikes, and by the time I'm sitting in front of them trying to talk, I'm like a mechanical robot with slow, broken speech. I probably seem like I'm high as hell. This can make it really difficult to try to explain that I've been having mixed state symptoms for weeks, when I'm sitting there probably looking and sounding like I'm just really stoned.