Whenever I am considering meds at all, like recently actually - appointment to start meds is in about a week - the only way I can usually deal with it is to just let go in a way. I tend to get a lot of suicidal ideation issues, and so I try to just channel that into a more helpful direction, sort of self-trickery I guess. Like if I'm so done at such a point that I'm considering suicide, then what should I really care about trying medication anyway. If I really feel like things can't possibly get any more hopeless and miserable, then what do I have to lose. Sometimes for me trying medication feels sort of like suicide. I see it as euthanizing my mind in a way, so it's like a compromise.. kill the mind, kill the thoughts, kill the illness.. but not the body.

It's kinda weird because I feel we're always told to not give up, to keep fighting, to keep trying, etc. I understand it, but I think that sometimes in order to make progress, you have to allow yourself to surrender a little bit.