I don't have a "host". I have alters who take turns hosting so I am not sure if my experience is similar to yours. What I have learned overtime is there is a reason for everything we alters do. Even when our actions appear out of step. I have found that some of us react with actions that suited us long ago but no longer apply to today. I have one alter who used to hit our face very hard. It hurt but strangely enough it also caused a release of tension which felt good. The hitter was hitting to release tension and not so much to hurt us. Part of it was she wanted to degrade the alter by hitting but the greater gain was that huge amounts of tension were released when hitting. It was almost like creating a familiar event from our childhood that created a sense of normalcy in the present. It's difficult to explain thoroughly. What we did was ask the hitter why she was hitting. She thought it was the right thing to do and that it relieved tension. We explained that no one is allowed to hurt the body. That wasn't always a consideration but we now all agree that it is wrong to hurt the body. So our hitter will still sometimes say "hit" but we take some deep breaths and tell her "no" we can't hurt the body and hitting is not a way of helping. She isn't always happy with this decision but she refrains from hitting in support of the system. I hope this made sense.