Cash, I think you are so brave. I would have so much trouble sitting there and waiting. I had to go to the ER with psychosis due to lithium toxicity once and they put me immediately in a room which I thought "awesome! No line!!!" until I realized it was a psych room and there was nothing in it but the cot and a tray table and that they kept peeking at me through a flap over the window in the door every 5-10 minutes so pacing wasn't a good idea (and then when they did the neuro exam and found how wobbly I was they didn't want me walking alone anyway, right up until the floor nurses realized how often someone on the rate of fluids I was on plus lithium messing up how much you pee anyway pees. I suddenly was allowed to walk again). But I hated it and had I had texting or a smart phone back then I surely would have complained and that was nothing compared to what you are doing tonight; I at least had my little cell and drs coming in and out.

You didn't say anything; I read what I wrote and thought JEN!!!! Too much.

Your dr situation is so complicated. I know that. I know if you had someone else you'd have been there. But I also think you want to trust this guy. Remember he may have been head of the hospital---but now he isn't and drs. usually don't get moved along easily because of the club of secrets about mistakes etc. He makes me nervous for you that he's eventually going to do something that is hard to recover from. I've been through scary AP reactions and would never want to do that again or see anyone else experience them. Three different meds all caused dangerous side effects. One (risperdal) we tried more than once because it seemed so unlikely that it caused the problem and it worked so well for me. It caused the problem (in that case really high blood pressure. Scary high). For me those things happened on low doses just because my body doesn't process meds well but the scary doses and combinations can increase the likeliehood and I just don't want you to go through another kind of hell.

I hope you can tell the evaluator EVERYTHING. You've certainly had time to prepare this evening! But I hope that this is the step toward what you really need, whatever that might be. I want to see you feeling better. Since I've started to crash a bit I figure I've got another couple months minimum before this is over and I hope you are all better long before I am (I just know this because it is how I cycle).

But regardless, you caught too passionate Jen and that's not good. I've done stupid things before with this and probably will again. This other board I'm on for ankle surgery has me on permanent final warning apparently (they don't take it away and it's been there for 3 months or longer) because I got too passionate about someone who was giving misinformation and broke one of the hundreds of rules on that board by suggesting that a medical opinion might top a patient's opinion. I think the moderators on there are a little much but still I shouldn't have said anything.

I have to stop typing and eat something so I don't get sick from my meds. But thinking and praying for you tonight.