I completely understand what you've shared here, because I'm in the exact same situation. I recently disclosed something similar to my T, and I've been a bit haunted by it, and ashamed. It's easy for people to say there's no reason to feel that way, but I think if we didn't, we might not be in therapy to begin with! My T has been very understanding about this, and knows I'm struggling. A week ago I left my session and had to pull over to throw up on the side of the road, I had myself that upset. Unfortunately for me, it's not a good time for my T to be on vacation but I'll get by. Perhaps I shouldn't have shared this right now, knowing she was leaving, but it sort of just came out. I had NO plans to share this with her, but when she said "I think you and ____ have an interesting relationship." I thought to myself "you have NO idea...." then I just spit it out. Had she not made the interesting relationship comment I wouldn't have, but I knew, somehow, she had a feeling that something wasn't right. I feel very embarrassed by this...I know I shouldn't, but I'll work through that. But I just wanted to reply, and let you know I am going through this very same thing in therapy right now, and it doesn't feel so good. I feel like a gaping wound left wide open while my T is gone, but it's up to me to pull myself together. It's tough. But we'll get through it!