Hi.
I am relatively new to this forum and I don't really know where to start.
I have stumbled upon a book about BPD yesterday at a bookstore and I felt like suddenly the past few years of my life made sense.

Let me explain: I have had horrible mood-swings (mostly from normal to suicidal thoughts) and I kept pushing away and pulling back people into my life for 4 years, blaming it all on some outside factor all the time.
The first year (I was 19) thought it was happening because I'm from a poor country and my life pretty much revolved around my ****** job and my family's money problems.
The second year, I moved to Canada, where money problems were absent after a while, so I thought I would be "normal" then. But I kept feeling empty, aimless and worthless in life. I thought it must have been because I was so far from my family and friends (I moved alone).
The third year, I moved to the Netherlands, where money wasn't an issue either, I got relatively good jobs in both places (compared to what I did in my home country). I was 21, the mood-swings still went on and I just thought it was because I was still just "hanging", my ultimate goal, to attend university abroad, seemed so far.

Now I'm in the fourth year, I'm attending university, have a job and I decided to seek help to put an end to this.
Or more like, my boyfriend of 8 months asked me to seek help. I'm horrified by medicines and doctors (for no particular reason, I just think chemicals are bad for the body). I visited a GP here and she told me I had 2 options:
she can prescribe me antidepressants or birth control, as my mood-swings might be associated with hormonal problems (I also have a messed-up cycle). I didn't tell her about my maniac feeling of abandonment by some reason, I thought it sounded stupid and it was just something I personally stuggle with so there might not be a general cure for that.

I am starting the birth control next month, but that book yesterday turned my opinions around. I remembered the times I have tried to push my boyfriend away saying "break up with me now, so I don't have to suffer in the future" and breaking down in a crying session when he was 30 minutes late from a date because of a train delay.

My family still lives in my home country, I don't have many friends (the friends I made at university dropped out after the 1st semester - feeling of abandonment much, I didn't even try to make new ones) so basically the only one who suffers is my boyfriend, and me of course.

I'm still hesitant to go to a doctor again (I thought I go once, take the pills and it'll be alright), saying this might not be hormonal. I also don't want to self-diagnose based on google, but I don't know how to seek for help. Therapy here costs a fortune and I first have to be advised by a GP to be able to make an appointment with a specialist.
How did everyone get the courage to go out and seek help?