Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow
I am not good at having feelings about therapy.
But, having said that, I think it is insane to expect people to develop a bond with a therapist, trust that therapist, be more open than ever before to that therapist - and then not need any reassurance from them.
Uh. Okay.
I think the therapeutic model is a bit broken, because therapists seem to want to have it both ways. They want you to be vulnerable and open and to feel all your feelings. And they also want you to be completely independent of them and not need them.
And I don't think those two states are compatible. Emotional intimacy is the strongest form of intimacy there is. Of course you're going to need / want / crave reassurance from your therapist. That's not unhealthy. That's natural.
I feel like therapists put themselves in this position which makes you so intensely vulnerable with them, and then punish you for your needs and wants and tell you that you'll grow from it.
I smell nonsense there.
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I'd like to believe it's not that calculated. They need to get you to feel safe with them so that you'll open up. MC has talked about the need to feel safe in there (and I've commented before that I feel "safe" with him, to a greater degree than with my individual T, even though I've been seeing him longer). At least in terms of couples therapy, from what he's said, part of the idea is to feel safe sharing things with him and my H in the session, and then that should eventually carry over to me feeling safe sharing things with my H outside of the session (and vice versa). And I think that is happening now. My H even commented in our session yesterday that I used to wait until a session to bring up concerns or issues, so H was in the dark about them until then. But now I just bring them up at home or while we're out at dinner instead of waiting. And H seems to be doing that a bit more, too.
Of course, the couples therapy model doesn't include one of the clients having strong transference for the MC. I get the sense from what my T has said that this is a much less common occurrence than having it with an individual T (she's been in practice for like 30 years but still opted to consult with some colleagues to determine how I should handle it--like whether I should tell MC, etc. Ended up having an individual session--well, two--with him to address it). So there's not necessarily a standard way of dealing with this scenario.
I completely agree that wanting reassurance from your T is normal, especially when you're dealing with intense emotions and childhood stuff. And it's not like I'm asking for it constantly--it's like I got it back in March when I first shared feelings with MC, then became, for whatever reason, insecure a couple months later and wanted reassurance. So it's not like every week I'm like, "Are we still OK? You're not going anywhere, right?" I do get that it won't help if I become completely dependent on him, but I feel like a more gradual process would be better. I don't know--I mean, maybe it would be painful for me no matter how it was handled. I just wish MC was willing to work a bit more with me directly/individually to deal with it (and H is totally on board with that).