I have my next psychology appointment on friday and then my medical doctor next week...I suppose it's time to actually "open up" and not hold back. I have been hesistant to share how I really feel because that is what I have been doing my whole life. I do feel like I am at the medication point. My suicidal thoughts were/are increasing in intensity and frequency and my SH is getting out of control again. I just cant live like this anymore...constantly grumpy and irritated/feeling like things will never get better/ feeling tired and worthless.

I appreciate all the kind words and your different experiences. In terms of different medication he said well say you had a sprained knee and there were a few options like surgery/physio etc...it would be up to you to decide what you felt best for your own health. Its not the doctors job to outright tell you or force you to do something. I suppose thats the way it is with medication as well. It is ultimately my decision. I just dont really know as Iam new to all this.

I luckily have a really good family doctor who takes the time to listen to me so I guess I will just stick with her for a while and then if she or I feel it is necessary find a new pdoc.