Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccer mom
The entire goal is to not need reassurance from others and be able to find it within yourself. If someone always gives it to you, you don't have the desire to learn to look for it within yourself. My T. will reassure but not when I point blank ask for it. Also, for some people hearing it isn't enough. My T. has pointed out that even if she says it, I will want to hear it again and risk becoming dependent on it. And, I agree. My goal is to not want/need her so I can go back to my life. If she gave me everything I needed, I would never want to leave. I don't think the hole my mother left can ever be filled - that is what I had to learn the most - no one can fill it up.
Also, therapists want us to eventually be on our own so, yes, they want us to not need them. It doesn't mean we can never need them but the need should be able to fade as therapy progresses. We have to identify our needs, see which ones our T.'s can fulfill and then find other ways to meet the ones they cannot.
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Soccermom--I always appreciate your comments. This seems to be similar to what my MC is saying, that he doesn't want me to be dependent on the reassurance and always seeking it from him. If I'm seeking reassurance from anyone, it should be from my H. Though ideally, I wouldn't need it from him either. I think MC is trying to get me to figure out what's behind the transference and deal with that. Hence his questions about whether it's mostly about him or mostly about stuff from the past. And I've said I assume it's mostly stuff from the past. The thing is, I need to figure out exactly what all that stuff is so I can deal with it. That's what I wanted his help with--if he's the one bringing up these feelings, it makes sense to me that he could help me get to the bottom of them and find out what I need or need to deal with. And *then* I can work on it with my T.
I wonder if they'd ever be willing to do a sort of joint session with me...I know MC and T did joint marriage counseling with a couple once (which is why my T knew he was good at marriage counseling and is also familiar with his style in that). I sort of joked about it with my T when she offered me the same slot one week that we already had with MC. Actually, I think a session with all four of us could be fascinating...
I think I'm almost curious to have my T see how I interact with MC compared with how I interact with her. Though I might act differently with her in the room, like I might be all self-concious or something.